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Transition

The time between things. Switching from one sport to another in a triathlon. Going from laboring to pushing in childbirth. A life pause between two states.

noun

1. movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change:
the transition from adolescence to adulthood.

2. Music.

a passing from one key to another; modulation.
a brief modulation; a modulation used in passing.
a sudden, unprepared modulation.

3. a passage from one scene to another by sound effects, music, etc., as in a television program, theatrical production, or the like.

verb (used without object)

4. to make a transition:

He had difficulty transitioning from enlisted man to officer.

This is where I am right now. It’s midway through the year. Today is my first day at a new job (since I am sans computer, desk chair, office key, or boss [she’s on vacation]) it’s been a very strange first day – more of a transition day than anything else.

It feels kinda fresh and new. I have an entire six months with nary a mark on them yet (and very, very few work meetings on the calendar as of this moment).

So much potential – like a fresh field of snow (it’s so hot in Portland that I’m actually fantasizing about snow) waiting to be peed on for snow angels.

Don’t blink!

 

Things have not gone as anticipated the last 9.5 weeks (wait a minute – I’m beginning to wonder if the time when my health issues started AND my training took a hit are more than merely coincidentally related to me giving 9.5 weeks notice at my old job…hmmmm…).

I may be onto something here

I may be onto something here

 

I’m hopeful that new job (which is, so far, only one job instead of the two I’ve been doing since Novemberish) + new attitude of calm + new fitness priorities for the year + new drugs* = a fantastic second half of 2015.

Not those kinds of drugs

Not those kinds of drugs

 

I’m trying to take a page of the book of moderation (whatever that is) and set smaller, achievable goals that honor my body’s (and my mind’s) need for physical activity while also keeping in mind that my priorities have seriously shifted over the past years and endurance racing is not at the forefront of those priorities right now.

It’s more important to strive for balance and long-term health than push myself, unwillingly, towards arbitrary goals.

So, shiny new 6 months: here’s my pledge to you.

No pledge but to do my best to be a little better most days. Better food and drink choices. A little more movement, even when I’m not feeling it. More patience with the three-year old (this will be the easiest AND hardest as I currently have ~0 patience with him so more wouldn’t be a stretch, but also, he’s three), read more, edit more, write more, and work really hard to get through the entirety of the X-Files.

The wrappers are blueberries and the tampons are named after characters from Octonauts

The wrappers are blueberries and the tampons are named after characters from Octonauts

So – just a bit more, but I’m going to try hard for a general feeling of moreness rather than elaborate spreadsheets tracking the more.

I obviously need this shirt.

The main goal, though, is balance. I don’t do well with balance (my father always said I was a bit unbalanced; then he’d laugh and laugh), but I think that’s the best goal I could make.

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Balance with a heaping side of badassery…that’s the way to live

ALL OF THE HAPPIES!

I couldn’t be much happier today unless a trench coat-clad stranger handed me a large briefcase filled with unmarked, non-sequential hundred dollar bills.

This is for all the anti-love haters out there.

This is for all the anti-love haters out there.

 

Today the Supreme Court ruled that gay marriage is just marriage!

An updated map of all the states in which same sex marriage is now legal.

 

Kennedy’s majority opinion brought tears to my eyes.

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After work tonight, I’m going to go home and celebrate with some Pride Punch, which was invented for this very occasion by my PSM.

Check out that fancy rim job!

Check out that fancy rim job!

The only thing that made me sad today was finding out that this was a parody twitter account that, however probable it is that this is happening somewhere right now, there likely won’t be any photographic evidence.

Totally plausible, right?

Totally plausible, right?

Today is a very good day for this country.

Tears of joy

The Care and Feeding of your Introvert (now with bonus social anxiety)

People who know me a bit socially or professionally are often surprised to find out that I consider myself to be introverted and that I occasionally suffer from nearly debilitating social anxiety. (My Myers-Briggs results also consider me to be an introvert – I’m consistently INTJ – that’s right, I’m judging you RIGHT NOW!)

Last week was a shite week. Absolute shite. I was social (in that I left my house and talked to strangers two nights in a row).

Mad Props to Me

Mad Props to Me

Then I spent the rest of the week recovering.

All that talking to people plus this job transition I’ve got going on plus my special lady time meant that by the end of the week I was an absolute mess.

My good friends may know that when I get too anxious about leaving the house, I will randomly fake sick (having a kid is priceless for this, by the way – they are well known germ factories).

(I am giving away all of my secrets here, but I promise that I am telling the truth about random illnesses at least 85% of the time.) (Hmmm…maybe I should just start saying, “sorry I’m flaking out on you, but I’m too anxious to hang out tonight.”)

I spent the week in physical pain (special lady time!) and fending off anxiety attacks (while locked in my office at work) and googling all the weird symptoms that led me to articles like “Is it Anxiety or Heart Disease?” and speculating about DIY hysterectomies.

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Friday afternoon, my good friend Lemissa (as Alvie calls her and he wouldn’t stop talking about her all weekend and maybe Lemissa should keep an eye out for kids in baskets on her front porch) came over to drink wine with me. That was perfect because it (a) involved wine and (b) involved me not having to leave the house – two of my favorite things.

 

The weekend was properly unbusy and I woke up this morning energized, optimistic, and ready to have a really good week.

And so I made plans to go out and interact with strangers (and people I work with) because I am a slow learner. Hopefully I will continue to fool people into believing I am socially competent (or continue to fool myself into believing that other people actually believe that).

 

And then I will spend the rest of the week hiding in my bedroom before taking my family to the woods to hide from people even more effectively.

And to get through the rest of June? I’ll be employing that time-honored anxiety cure: a positive attitude and some mindful meditation.

HA HA HA HA.

xanax

 

The Art of Quitting

quitter

Quitting is a really interesting concept. There are so many fitspirational and other, less oiled-up motivational posters regarding quitting.

I prefer to quit before the sobbing, puking pain parts, thank you very much

I prefer to quit before the sobbing, puking pain parts, thank you very much

I don’t really believe that quitting is worse than collapsing in your own vomit at the gym, but quitting is definitely not positive. Unless you’re quitting smoking. I guess that’s generally regarded as positive.

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This is a constant struggle for me. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned before that I tend to run best when my personal busy number is an 8 on a scale of 1-10. I like having a lot of things to do.

My problem is when I edge up to 8.1 on that scale. Then my GAD kicks in. Sometimes with a vengeance. (I spent a good 20 minutes on Web MD the other morning self-diagnosing a variety of conditions from myocardial infarction to acute pancreatitis [which is often caused by gallstones, which are created by a gall bladder, which I do not have]).

I think I’ve hit about a 9 on my busy scale.

I’ve gone from this:

Some people juggle geese

To this:

Things I am doing (in no particular order):

  1. Parenting
  2. Gardening
  3. Training for a 70.3
  4. Wifing
  5. Editing a book
  6. Your mom (ha ha – just kidding)
  7. Reading for a research project
  8. Transitioning jobs at work, which means I’m simultaneously wrapping up a job I’ve had for 7 years and trying to prep for a new job
  9. Attempting to sleep
  10. Having a social life

 

So, I had to quit one of those things. I agonized about it. When I consulted with my PSM, she had this to say:

psm

Pretty wise for someone so young, right?

So I did it. I dropped out of 70.3 training. The decision to do that, while not easy, was not the hardest part. The hardest part was telling my coach. I wanted to apologize for wasting her time while not being overly hard on myself.

She wasn’t too hard on me.

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I’m lucky to know so many nice people.

So – I’m out for the 70.3 this year. I’m going to do an Oly in July (as planned) and downgrade the September 70.3 to an Oly as well. That’s still not too shabby, but should be infinitely less stressful.

My goal for June is to get to the end of the month without sneaking gin in to work and drinking it under my desk while rocking back and forth.

gallery-quitter-500

I AM a quitter. Because priorities. And because I really, really like writing and gardening more than training my ass to ride 56 miles on a bike.

yay quitting

 

Waking up under a blanket of sea snails

I was at the coast last weekend. That’s what we have in Oregon. A coast. We don’t “go to the beach,” we “go to the coast.” Probably because the water is, according to reputable sources, ball-shrivelingly cold, even in mid-May.

The Bean had a blast, though. He wants to move into the ocean and go swimming and play in the sand and live there forever and ever amen.

This is about 30 seconds before the first wave knocked him down and he giggled hysterically before yelling, "AGAIN!"

This is about 30 seconds before the first wave knocked him down and he giggled hysterically before yelling, “AGAIN!”

 

Alas! I was unable to fulfill his desire to move into the ocean because there were no outlets in which to plug my laptop, making it a terrible remote work space. We wandered around the beach, looking at all the “she-shells” (they were 95% rocks, but why argue with a 3-year-old?).

We looked at some rock formation thingie because I was hoping for tide pools and starfish, but instead it was just barnacle-y and covered with what looked like tiny snail shells.

Last night I dreams that I woke up on the beach covered in those tiny shells.

ARGGHHHH!!!! Why is this a thing?

EXCEPT, instead of empty shells, they were alive and crawling all over my body leaving their icky slime trails behind and the tide was coming in and what is wrong with my brain‽‽‽‽‽‽‽

Moving on.

Three Things Thursday

1. I cannot believe it’s only Thursday. I woke up this morning convinced it was Friday and then it hit me. Nope. Thursday. I have a couple things today I’m looking forward to, but overall, not impressed with the length of this week. I think someone snuck in an extra day somewhere.

2. I am 100% done with crappy books, and I’m reaching a critical stage where I think they might all suck. You know what? If your MC is the strongest and apparently smartest person around, you don’t make her (it’s always a her) a virtual subject of the strong male protectors who make decisions about her behind her back. That is lazy, sloppy writing. THIS IS FANTASY! THERE IS NO NEED TO CREATE FANTASTICAL PATRIARCHAL SOCIETIES WHERE THE MEN HAVE ALWAYS TRADITIONALLY BEEN IN CHARGE AND SO THEY JUST DO THAT BECAUSE THAT’S HOW IT ALWAYS IS! THERE ARE VAMPIRES FOR FUCK’S SAKE. Ahem. Anyway, if you’re going to write a strong female character, then for the love of the Morrigan, Freyja, and Kaumari, let her be strong. (BTW, doing a pelvic exam on an unconscious and unconsenting woman who is not in dire medical need of such a procedure is sexual assault.)

3. Three day weekend coming up and next weekend is the architect’s birthday surprise! He’ll be 45 on Friday next and I’m super excited for the getaway I got me us him. Plus, the actual gift? Awesome. I’m doing fairly well at maintaining my zen butterfly state at work, so that’s good. I haven’t even had to talk myself down from a maiming in almost two weeks! Go Team Me!

 

Happy Thursday!