panic!

Today is good. Yesterday was okay. Tuesday, as I shared, was less okay.

I think I’m going to be okay, financially, and that I will, in fact, be able to move to Portland. It’s just a matter of re-prioritizing. People are going to have to deal with my cheapness. I am going to have to stop agreeing to stuff that I really shouldn’t do, just because I like my friends & don’t want them to think I’m poor. “I can’t afford it” is not the same thing as saying “I’m a filthy crackwhore & you should kill me now.”

Also, I should stop being so goddamn generous. I love to buy stuff for people& pick up their tabs, get them presents, etc. I need to convince myself that it’s okay if I don’t do that.

I need to figure out how I’m going to pay for the bridesmaid’s dress that I’m obligated to buy, as well as hotel rooms for that weekend. Fortunately, the plane ticket was free (yay! frequent flyer miles), but there are still other things I need to buy.

I shredded all my credit cards. I sat down & figured out which have the highest interest rates, and how much I can really afford to pay off each month.

I made a fucking budget. Which, honestly, is something I do every month anyways, but this time, I’m hoping it’s a bit more realistic. Before, I wasn’t really leaving myself any spending/emergency funds, and that was becoming a problem.

Also, I am well-underway with final revisions for this draft of my book. Those of you out there who are lucky enough to have volunteered to be editors, expect the book sometime next weekend.

Next: working on the freelancing, so I can bring in a bit of extra money. I feel both terrified & excited to get started.

In a bit of silly news: I have a crush on an architect. Not THE architect, just an architect. I’ve been working with him on a project for the past few months, and I just find him so attractive. He works for a different organization than me (his is a governmental org, mine is a non-profit), but our orgs are collaborating on a construction project. He’s a bit older than me, and is even older than THE architect. He’s very handsome, though. THE architect will probably look like him in about 15 years.

To the point: I had a meeting with him today, and we talked & laughed & made fun of the evil boss (EB) for a bit. He mocked me for agreeing to stay in this position while drunk. The, he picked lint off my sweater. Hee hee hee. And, even more importantly, he offered to help me get a job in Portland for a similar governmental organization. That is the coolest. I really hope that works out. Plus, he’s so cute. Hee.

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