living the almost life

I very nearly just bought a plane ticket to Los Angeles. I was on the credit card information entering page, and then shut the browser. I really, really want to visit LA. Because they have the sunshine. And the nachos. And the Brads. And the ticket wasn’t that much money – but I have to spend a LOT of money on my car this Friday, and it’s not the most financially sound decision I’ve ever (not) made.

But I really want to go have some Mexican Food. Preferably at Fiesta Cantina – which, admittedly, is less about the Mexican food and more about the endless coronas and wonderful conversation.

Today isn’t too bad. I really like mid-40s and misty. If that’s what this winter had been consistently, I wouldn’t be bitching so much. BUT, lows are supposed to drop below 20 later this week, and highs are not expected to get much above 30. Also – the sun doesn’t come up until almost 8 AM – and how is that conducive to a happy life? Answer: it isn’t.

The good news is that the architect and I have a meeting scheduled w/ a mortgage lender on the 20th, and I’ve had a couple of realtor recommendations. We know what we want – we just need a bank to say we can have it. I’m intimidated by the whole process, because the architect is going to be footing a large part of the downpayment bill. I know that a 7-year age difference and a $25K/year salary difference are the reasons why he has more money than me, but it feels wrong to not be putting in half. I should just concentrate on being grateful that I have a husband that can do these things, and that he’s not as ass about it, but I feel….less worthy of the house for that reason.

The healthy 2007 is going pretty well so far. I’m up to 3 days in a row for flossing (I know! No cavities, but yet, I floss an average of 3 times/year – who needs healthy gums anyway?) and I’ve run three times this year so far. The healthy eating is the hardest – its funny how many extra calories sneak into a day if you’re not paying attention – but this week has been great so far.

So – things are good. And really, when bad things happen, it doesn’t make it better to think about it. Just be happy about all the good, and the good will keep happening. When things start going well, I start to get uneasy – because if things are so good, does that mean I’m being set up for something bad to happen? And something bad usually does happen. I used to think that it was just the eternal need for balance, but now I wonder if my ongoing dread, in part, causes the bad?

Your philosophical question for today. You’re welcome.

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