I Need a Trampoline

Still pregnant! However, I am hoping that the combination of my belief that today is the day (I’ve been saying 4/6 for AGES) plus the full moon will get things going. At this point, I am not that hopeful. I mean, intellectually, I know that the baby will come out. He has to, and if he’s not out by 4/16, they will forcibly remove him (I’m imagining the jaws of life will be involved). BUT, it’s so hard to actually believe it at this point.

I am currently wavering between impatience (intensified by the soreness & exhaustion that come from being the size, shape, and fitness level of a geriatric humpback whale) and anxiety about the fact that soon, I will be expelling a baby from my nether regions – a baby that, at this point, could possibly weighh up to 35 lbs.

Also – I really, really want to talk about things other than being pregnant. Unfortunately, everything I do lately is pregnancy related. I mean, I went to Target yesterday (and how exciting would a blog post about Target be under regular circumstances?), but it was mostly to walk around in an enclosed space to encourage the baby to fall out. I did get curtains (ooooh) and a baby outfit…see? IT’S ALL ABOUT THIS BABY!

I am going to acupuncture today – to encourage Alvie Bean to give up his cozy home and spring forth.

I am trying to shame him, “you know, you’re naked in there – aren’t you embarrassed?” and guilt trip him, “I’ve already carried you for 9 + months, you’re destroying my body, etc., etc. – is this how you treat your mother?” He’s had verbal coaching from my mother, from friends (I had two contractions after a visit from Jen the Baby Whisperer, and was going to suggest she set up a baby removal service).

I’ve received countless suggestions – eat spicy food, bounce on the exercise ball, have some atole, jumping jacks, etc., etc.

BUT – so far, no baby.

I am having my first fetal stress test on Monday, and provided the fetus is not stressed out, I’ll have a second one and another midwife appointment next Thursday. If Alvie has not yet made an appearance by then, we’ll schedule the induction. 4/16 is the absolute last day he’s allowed to remain squatting in my womb. I’m really hoping that he shows up before then (according to my midwife, very few of the women in their practice actually make it to the scheduled induction, and most are born in that last week between 41 & 42 weeks).

Other than the fact that I’m still pregnant, everything is very healthy. Weight is good. Blood pressure is fantastic. Fetal heartbeat is good. Fundal height is normal. Baby is properly positioned. I am effacing & 1 cm dilated, and Alvie is engaged. Everything is in place for whenever this thing decideds to happen.

So – I will keep you all updated, because based on the spike in blog visitors over the last week, some of you are very interested in what’s going on.

 

Send all your good labor juju my way! Do some bear chants and I’ll try to pick up a trampoline this weekend.

6 responses to “I Need a Trampoline

  1. Everyone here at work is sending you positive thoughts…..we miss you and good luck with the full moon tonight!

  2. I think it’s time to start trying remedies for other conditions. Like hiccup cures, maybe? You swallow a spoonful of sugar and then I’ll come around the corner and scare you. And then we’ll finish it up with you drinking a glass of water while the architect presses on your ears (it works, I swear).

    Have you tried bribery? I hear the kids really like Angry Birds. Maybe the promise of his own iPhone would coax him out?

  3. I think it’s about time for some sex. For medical purposes only, of course. But it helps, so I’ve heard. Ahem.

    Thinking lots of LET’S GO BABY thoughts for you 🙂

  4. WHERE’S THAT BABEH?!

  5. Hi Amy!
    I was told about your blog by Marcy Drew, so thought I’d stop by! You are too funny! Congrats on the arrival of your little guy; how exciting!

  6. Holy CUTE BABY CONGRATULATIONS!!!

    Cannot wait to hear all about it. Much love to you all!!