Navel Gazing Episode IV: A New Hope (That Will STILL Not Prevent the Death of Nearly 2 Billion Alderaanians)

So! I know you’ve missed my long, rambling blog posts on what I’m thinking and feeling and what it all meaaaaaaaannnnnnnsssss. Sorry ’bout that!

I have been half-assing my running lately. That may be understating it. It’s probably more like one-third-assing it. Running is hard. And it hurts. And I keep getting injured. Or lazy. Or both at the same time.

I keep making elaborate training plans (for marathons! And a 50K!) and then after missing one run, quitting running altogether, because seriously? Why am I doing this?

I talked to the architect about it this weekend (he loves my navel gazing almost as much as you do!). I developed a theory that I want to run races because peer pressure! A lot of my good friends are crazy racers. I know Iron(Wo)Men, and Half Ironers, multiple marathoners, ultra marathoners, single marathoners who continue to run all the time, and crazy cyclists. And there are a couple of people who fit into all of those categories at once!

So – my theory is that I only want to run races because everyone else does it. And then I feel badly about myself, because they are all fast! And dedicated! And I am not.

The architect reminded me that I’d run my first half marathon before I met any of these people, had done my first couple of trail races prior to them entering my life, met some of them at a workout class that we called Crazy Weights, and am so ridiculously goal oriented that I have my own gold star charts.

So, it turns out that I cannot blame my running on any of my friends. In fact, I started training for my first race the minute I moved to Portland (and had, in fact, signed up for it prior to moving), so this is all on me.

Next question, then. What do I do about all this?

I’ve decided to stop trying to run a long ways – at least for the next couple of months. My focus for August & September is a few very short runs each week, peppered with yoga, short weights sessions, and a bit of swimming.

But mostly? I am going to take a page from MizFit and work on having fun and playing.

The Bean is at an age where he wants to do everything that mama & Daddy do. If our food looks different, there is a problem. If I am going outside, then he’d better be going outside, too! If I have sunglasses and a necklace, then he wants one. And if I’m reading, so is he. He follows the architect around and helps in the kitchen (he likes to “empty the dishwasher,” and “throw measuring cups”).

I want him to see that I do things like run and work out for fun, and I want him to get an up close and personal in the fun as often as possible.

Am I his inspiration or vice versa?

Am I his inspiration or vice versa?

But secretly, I kinda also really, really want to finish a 50K. Without dying (or wishing I was dead). I’m looking at just over a year from now. Unless I quit running again next week.

One response to “Navel Gazing Episode IV: A New Hope (That Will STILL Not Prevent the Death of Nearly 2 Billion Alderaanians)

  1. Steph Montgomery-Loder

    🙂 Hugs hon. I, too, am constantly competing with myself. You are a fantastic, inspirational person to me even if you never run again.