Whiny Wednesday

This could become a thing. Book Review Tuesday (or book reviewsday, if you’re being clever, and I always am), Whiny Wednesday, Three Things Thursday, and Fuck Off Friday (that might be a new invention).

I feel whiny and don’t feel like there’s really a good medium to serve as an outlet. I worry about overwhelming friends with my constant ACK, and a facebook group that I’d previously considered a safe place to vent no longer is for various and sundry reasons that I can’t share here, because this is even less of a safe space than a private facebook group.

But dammit! I’m whiny!

I feel paralyzed in a number of areas in my life, and the problem with the deep unhappiness that either caused or accompanied said paralysis is that I cannot find a way out of that unhappiness because, well, paralyzed!

I’m at least sleeping fairly decently most nights, although I think part of that is my body saying, “well we slept 3 hours last night, so let’s see if we can fall asleep on the couch at 8:30 tonight and then wake up absurdly early with no energy or motivation! yay!”

I’m almost done detoxing from my current prescription, and then I’ll be drug free! (Just Say No! Unless you need the drugs to regulate your mind/body/whatever, then say yes, of course.)

I haven’t done monthly goals in a while (I have my annual goals, and my #40before40 list), but sometimes I need to break things down. And yeah, it’s the middle of the month. Bite me.

Five goals for the next 30 days.

  1. Write work to-do list and cross off everything that’s feasible; procrastination is not a reasonable excuse
  2. 30-45 minutes walks every day/evening I don’t have my Bean. That means tonight, tomorrow night, Friday, Saturday, Sunday (I have him 7 nights of every 14, in a 5 on/5 off; 2 on/2 off schedule). Try to do something active on weekends when I do have Bean.
  3. Bed by 11 on school nights. No excuses. No watching Criminal Minds on the kid’s iPad in bed. That’s cheating and doesn’t help with the insomnia.
  4. Stop hitting snooze. Once you’re up with the alarm, start moving wake-up earlier.
  5. Start writing again. Today, I’m blogging. Tonight I’m writing an overdue book review. Tomorrow, maybe I can do some evening work on the book with a beer. There’s a bar I used to frequent occasionally that I really enjoyed writing at. Maybe I’ll just hop off the bus there on my way home from work and write for a couple of hours to get back in the habit. Familiar space might trigger some words.

These are good, reasonable goals, right? I kept thinking that once I moved into my own place, things would come together. Then I thought that once the divorce was final, things would come together. You know what? I think if I want things to come together, I might have to stop waiting for it to happen and make it happen myself.

she needed a hero

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