Category Archives: Not Dead Yet!

Three Things Thursday

  1. I have a 5K next weekend. I have sporadically trained for said 5K. Very sporadically. And then I twisted my ankle last week and it’s just now feeling better, as long as no one kicks it or drops heavy things on it or I wear shoes. I’m not going into it with any expectations of PR-ing, but I need to go, to walk/run that bitch, and finish, thus earning my mimosa in my commemorative running glass.

The finishing mimosas in 2015 before Jamie abandoned me for Boston

  1. I have another, longer race in six weeks. I’m hoping the success of crossing the finish line next weekend will spur me into being less sporadic. It’s weird when you get stuck in an endless loop of too stressed to run and have no long-acting stress relief. I know that once I get solidly back in the habit (and for me, that’s four-five weeks of 3x/week), I’ll love it. I’ll feel good (most of the time), sleep better, eat better, and have a significant reduction in stress levels. It’s just easier to stay home and not run or walk. Home is nice. No off-leash dogs, hardly anyone looks like a threat (solo trail running as a woman can be a bit nerve-wracking, regardless of how much I love it), and there’s wine. I have yet to come across a wine kiosk in Forest Park. (WAIT A MINUTE! NEW BUSINESS IDEA!)

I will set up a little wine stand in the middle of forest park. Like a lemonade stand, but for adults.

 

  1. Every time I start running, I get sick or injured. It’s like a curse. Maybe it is a curse! I read this morning that certain household objects invite demons into your home. And, since I have multiple tarot decks, a yoga mat, and–between the Beer Guy and me–two complete copies of the Harry Potter books as well as all the movies on DVD, we’re pretty much doomed. (That’s before we even look at the various religious studies books the two of us have. I’m sure all the non-Bible stuff is inviting all the demons in.)It’s nice having someone to blame. I finally get the Bean’s insistence that the Sugar Ghosts ate all the candy canes off the lower holiday tree branches one morning before I woke up.

    Earlier this week, the Sugar Ghosts struck again! I bought a Cadbury Creme Egg for myself the other day, and when I went to eat it, it was missing! It couldn’t have been the Bean–he was at school–and the Beer Guy swears it wasn’t him…must be Sugar Ghosts. They’re in league with the demons!

(You guys…I just spent way too long trying to find a font that screamed “exorcism” at me but was still legible. It’s way harder than I would’ve thought. I eventually gave up and just chose a font called “Sunday” because it made me laugh.)

Happy Thursday!

 

 

It’s My Birthday!

I  made it! I’m forty! I rang in the beginning of my fifth decade at karaoke last night and have spent the entirety of today watching true crime, ordering minions to bring me burritos, and thinking about what the next years are going to bring.

I feel good about everything I accomplished in the last year. It was definitely a bumpy year, but there were enough good things to offset the bad.

I started talking last night about doing a 50 before 50…that’s approximately five things a year, and is doable.

Some of the ideas I’m tossing around come from the unfinished items on my 40 before 40, some come from my life list, and some are brand new.

On the list so far:

  1. Go to Romania (book research!)
  2. Finish a 50K trail race
  3. Find a satisfying job
  4. Publish at least two books/year
  5. Make my health (physical and mental) a priority
  6. Get that Iceland photo framed

  1. Meet my PSM in real life
  2. Be my own boss (this seems to directly contradict #3, but it doesn’t…)
  3. Survive the Bean’s early teenage years.
  4. Get rid of all debt (excepting the student loan and any mortgage stuff)

 

I’ll keep working on the list, but if you have any suggestions, let me know!

And now, it must be French 75 time!

Mmmm….French 75

 

Here’s to another great year!

This is All I’ve Got

 

Brain dead. Not as far as I needed to be by this time. Commas are enemies. #waronpunctuation

Conspiracy Theory

I am a wee bit sick. Not horribly sick, and I’m mostly feeling better; but not at the top of my game. In addition to the mild chest cold that I’m on my way out of (but whose effects will likely last forever and ever amen if I don’t take it easy on my lungs which are prone to bronchitis and pneumonia), we’ve been having a shitty winter.

The Weather Channel rated Portland as the US’s most miserable city for the 2016/17 winter so far. (Not that we’re colder or have more snow than you – I know we don’t – but we have so much more cold or snow than we’re used to, and I don’t care who you are, that’s miserable.)

These two items in conjunction with the fact that I signed up for not one, but TWO races, is what leads me to believe that I’m dealing with a conspiracy theory.

To wit:

2016. I signed up for two races. I paid to do a women’s running group. I attended the first two meetings. I got the ‘flu, even though (like every freaking year), I’d gotten the flu shot. I was so sick that I was hallucinating from lack of sleep. I couldn’t even begin to run again until well after the first race (a 5K) was over and the second (a half marathon) was quickly approaching.

2015. I signed up for five races. (An indoor tri, a sprint tri, two olys, and a 70.3). I secured the services of the best coach in these here You-Nited States of ‘Murica.  I placed 2nd in my age group in the indoor sprint tri. I immediately got a sinus infection and double pneumonia. Oh – and strep throat. AT THE SAME TIME. I did manage to do the second race I was signed up for, but just couldn’t get ‘er done for anything else.

Now – getting sick once as I begin a rigorous training schedule might be chalked up to an accident. And twice? Totally a coincidence. But three times in three springs? (This time, I feel like the weather started it, but when I made noises about heading to the gym to run on the treadmill, my body said, “Fuck this shit!”)

And the enemy is me.

And just in case you’re disinclined to believe me, in 2010 when I’d started training for my second marathon I hurt my foot so badly that I needed surgery. In 2011 when I started training for my (still second) marathon, I got pregnant. THAT WAS NO ACCIDENT! (Heh. See what I did there?)

2012 was kinda a wash, what with my dad dying and my kid being born, and the debilitating post partum depression.

What I’m saying is that my body is extremely opposed to training. Or rigor. Or any kind of physical motivation.

In fact, it seems to like sitting on the couch, arguing with misogynistic douchecanoes on the internet, and drinking wine eating fruit salad best of all.

Solution? Probably not continue to sit on the couch, arguing with asscandles on the internet (I’ve gotten one death wish and one FB block…I could strive to do better).

I told my PSM the other day that what I really need is for someone to invent a moderation pill. I’d be first in line to sign up for the clinical trial (that’s not an immoderate response, is it?). I just have no chill. I’m either all in or all out. I did my yoga as promised Monday – and accidentally found the hardest hip opening hatha class in existence. So when I realized how hard it was going to be, did I (a) stop the class and find another, easier class, (b) modify the harder poses to be gentle on my body, or (c) push as hard as I could because this gazelles doesn’t quit?

Fitspirational memes are very problematic for me.

Yeah. Obviously C. Could I move my legs without pain yesterday? No. No I could not.

I’m sure I’ve blogged about my struggle with moderation before. Things have not noticeably changed in the…ever since this has been a problem.

So, wise internets…what would you do? Continue to make ridiculous training plans that are impossible to successfully complete and then give up entirely when you fail? Skip that first part and go straight to the giving up entirely, but with wine?

If you are an immoderate person, how do you force yourself into moderation?

No, dammit! I want it RIGHT NOW!!

Speak to me! Tell me the solution that I can implement immediately, thus making myself a 123% better person by the weekend.

 

Motivation Monday

I haven’t been to work in just over four months. This is full of the crazy. There are just a couple problems –

  1.  I love it. I love not having a job. I am not bored. I’ve been writing and editing and blogging and doing more working out and baking and preserving and my house (until the rattening) was pretty clean. I would be a great housewife/writer. Except…
  2. I am out of money. I really thought I’d be back at work before now, but I’ve burned through all my savings that I had in place and now I am desperate. I’m hoping desperation counts for something!

I need to hustle. I need to apply for one hundred jobs a day (give or take). I’ve started edits on the second book in the series, but am really hoping to get the first back from the editor this week so I can finish that up and send it out into the world where people will mock me and judge me and subtly ignore its existence (but maybe after one-clicking it).

I need this weather to be normal weather so I can run (it’s an icy snowy mess out there and I have neither the gear nor the desire to become an icy snowy runner) and swim (power outage led to the pool closure).

I need my brain to stop spinning worst case scenarios which usually involve me dying destitute and alone in a large box under the Burnside Bridge.

I have some positive habits I’ve been trying to develop, and I’m doing a little better with some of the simple self-care ones, but I need to double-down on the movement and sitting under my SAD lamp and probably should delete the time wasters from my phone so I have fewer ways to procrastinate when I can’t jump over the despair hurdles in my brain that tell me everything is hopeless.

I pledge to you – the all-seeing (not literally, I hope) internets – that as soon as I hit publish on this post, I will haul out the yoga mat and show my new catly roommates how to do a good down dog. I will drink a glass of water and then spend the next hour at my desk editing.

And tomorrow? Provided that the Bean is at daycare and not home (again – so many snow/ice days), I will yoga/write/edit/job hunt

And repeat. Next week, I’ll start running (weather providing) and swimming (pool temperature providing).

And I most certainly will not get bronchitis, even if it is my winter tradition. SOME TRADITIONS SUCK!