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The only thing we have to fear is….plummeting to our deaths.

Jul 22nd, 2011
by gazelle.
10 comments

One of my last Toast speeches was about fear – and getting over it.

The top two search terms that bring people to this blog are arachnophobia and anthropophobia.

This makes me a little sad. I’d rather people found me by looking for awesome shoes, or paranormal romance book reviews (new one coming up on Wednesday! Woo!) or race reports, or cheesemaking (especially cheesemaking).

 

But – back to fear. I used to be relatively fearless. Nothing really scared me. The older I got, the more fearful I became, until there were times (I like to pretend that these are in the past) that the fear was so paralyzing that I couldn’t leave the house. Those times are mostly in the past. I have spent a lot of time in the past couple of years working through my fears and trying to conquer them.

I know I’ve talked about my fear of open water swimming (which was actually the crux of my Toast speech). I now barely even have an elevated heartrate when getting in the water. As long as I take my time, I’m fine. I actually have even really enjoyed my last couple of swims.

I know I’ve also talked about my fear of public speaking.  Obviously, I’ve gotten over this. I just gave my 7th prepared speech for my local Toastmasters, have won a Table Topics contest, am president of my club, and am entering the humorous speech contest next month.

I’ve also mentioned my fear of people & social situations (anthropophobia). This is the one that is the hardest for me. There are times that I can’t go to social events because the thought of doing so gives me mini panic attacks. Fortunately, this is not as bad as it used to be, and as long as the social event is in a setting I’m comfortable in (i.e. not too many strangers packed into small rooms), I usually do okay. I never even have to pre-drink to hang out with my friends anymore. GROWTH!

I’ve talked about my fear of spiders, which is dumb. They are just little bugs that eat other bugs. WHY ARE THEY SO FREAKING CREEPY? No one knows. ACK. Anyways, I am not over this, nor do I particularly work on this one. It doesn’t really affect my ability to live my life, so I’ve decided it’s okay.

I’m afraid of flying (actually, that’s not true. I’m fine with flying. I’m just afraid of plummeting to my death, which seems more likely in an airplane than while walking). I deal with this by drinking in the airport bar. Or doing deep breathing exercises.

But today, I want to talk about another fear I’ve mentioned. This is also related to plummeting to my death. I am afraid of going over high bridges.  Especially long, high bridges. I’ve worked through this fear a LOT, since I live in Portland, city of 1,000,000 bridges (or like 10 if you count all car bridges b/w the St. Johns & the Sellwood). I can drive over the high bridges if I go really fast & close my eyes. (ha! I jest. I go slow and with my eyes open. Less likely to plunge to my death if I watch where I’m going.) I am not afraid of walking or running over said bridges, and have, in fact done so. But biking is even scarier than driving, I think. I once rode over the St. Johns Bridge, and I swear my heart rate was higher for that portion of the ride than any other part – due to fear.

One thing I have never done is ride my bike across the Columbia River. There are only two bridges in the Portland area that cross the river (not counted in my 10 bridges above). They are both Interstate Bridges.

There is the Glenn Jackson (I-205) Bridge:

 

And the I-5 Bridge (apparently this one doesn’t have a fancy name):

I was terrified  of riding over these bridges. Earlier this week, the Ambitious One asked me if I wanted to go on a bike ride with her & Mr. Pi on Friday morning. They are going an insane 84 miles (up to the Bridge of the Gods, which I’m pleased to not ride over). I am not so much up to 84 miles, since my longest one-day total in 2011 is 20 miles, and that was my bike commute on Wednesday, so broken into 2 parts.

I did, however, agree to ride a little ways with them – up to the 205 bridge. And then, I found the route to ride over, back west on the Washington side, and then across the I-5 bridge and home. Up until the minute we got to 205, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. BUT, I did it. It was not as scary as I thought, but it was longer than I’d anticipated.

I got a little lost in Vancouver, but had my phone (with the Google Maps app) and found my way again. Crossing back to Oregon on the I-5 bridge was also a little nerve-wracking, and I got lost on Hayden Island and tried to ride back to Vancouver again, but eventually made it home.

I’m still not fast. I was definitely faster on the first half of the ride when I was with people. The last three miles were brutal. My longest all-in-a-row ride before today was 15 miles, and I doubled that. My legs were wiped out by mile 27. BUT, I did it. And honestly, I think I could do it again.

Fuck, yeah!

 

Three Things Thursday

May 19th, 2011
by gazelle.
Comments are off for this post
  1. I went for my first open water swim of the year yesterday with the Ambitious One. And you know what? It was fine! Not at all like last year’s disaster. I didn’t cry even once. (I did, however, once again get yelled at by fisher people.) I went in very slowly at the beginning, and except for a brief moment of panicky chest-tightening when my neck was immersed for the first time, I was A-OK. I swam 1.3 loops (exiting the lake in a different place to hopefully avoid the ire of the fisher people who rather loudly suggested that maybe they’d try to hit me on the next cast), and actually for real SWAM! I have a tri in three weeks, and I am thinking that 2 more OWS might be in order, but I know that I can absolutely do it! Yay!
  2. The crazy budget portion of my job is done (for a YEAR!) and if you go by all the approbations I received, I did a good job of stepping up to the plate and (competently) getting things done that needed doing. I actually am beginning to think that maybe I can do both of these jobs in my .9 time. The paycheck I received last Friday kind of helped me come to that conclusion as well. I still have secret plans for the future, but my countdown clock (which is set to my 35th birthday, which shortly after finishing my Master’s coursework) is now a fun countdown instead of a “countdown to when I will leave this job and not look back” kind of clock. I am feeling stressed a bit still, but confident that by July 1 (which is an arbitrary date I just picked out of a hat), I will know for reals what I’m doing, will have new routines down, and will be doing a good job.
  3. Saturday is Reach the Beach. The architect is reaching the beach by cycling. I am reaching the beach by driving to pick him up. After refueling him, we’re headed to McMinnville for the night…just a wee bit of relaxation that is greatly needed after a century ride (or a crazy month of work). You can donate to support the American Lung Association (and the architect).

The Commute

Sep 28th, 2009
by gazelle.
8 comments

I’ve been biking to work about 50% of the time this month. Partially because every September Portland has a ‘bike-to-work’ challenge, and you can log your miles & challenge your friends & win prizes and stuff. And partially because it’s just as fast as taking the bus (sometimes faster) and good exercise. It’s about a 20 mile round trip ride for me (depending on the route I take), and although I seldom average more than 12-13 mph due to stop lights & traffic & one VERY LARGE hill, it’s been good.

However, the best thing about bike commuting? My kick-ass neighbor is ALSO a bike commuter, so a couple of times a week (or, once, really) we’ve been doing our morning commute together.

This morning was a wee bit chilly. But I reasoned that the bike home would be better. And it was, if by better you mean light rain & cold wind.

I determined that there are a few things I need to be an all-weather bike commuter.

1. Pants. (Long bike pants – I wear shorts – I’m not one of these people)

2. Rain coat for my bike (I don’t want him, tentatively named Jorge, to get all cold & wet while he hangs out outside during the day).

3. Fender for my back tire, at least.

4. Balls. Just as I hate running early now that it’s dark, I’m hating the bike riding in the cold, wet dark. The ride actually wasn’t too bad, but I am such a pansy.

I am so cold now, and I’ve been home for almost an hour, procrastinating on my homework (some things never change).

***

PS -Any song suggestions to add to my marathon playlist?

Lord! What fools these mortals be.

Sep 3rd, 2009
by gazelle.
5 comments

Today is the second day in a row that I’ve biked to work. I did join the Bike-to-work challenge, with the intent of biking twice a week. BUT – I’m thinking I can do 3-4 days (which is all of them)/ week. I am a bit concerned about how I’ll work that out with my Monday swim lessons & Tuesday run, but it should all come together, right?

Anyways – last night after work, I headed out (on my bike) to Widmer Bros. They had a new bike corral & were celebrating it with a Bikes & Brews event. The mayor led a ride from city hall, and everyone who showed up with a helmet got a free raffle ticket – they gave away some pretty cool stuff. I was really hoping to win a bike bell (or the new, very pretty bike), but alas! Out of the 150-ish tickets issued, and the millions of prizes, I won nothing!

I did, however, manage to once more act like an ass in front of the mayor. The first time, I was super bitchy to him, because I thought he was some pushy salesperson in a bike shop trying to get me to buy an expensive bike. It was only two minutes after I walked out of the store that I realized it was the mayor, and he was trying to be funny or something.

So, last night, I was sitting at a table, waiting for the raffle, and drinking a beer. At my table was the mayor, some guy from Widmer (who, thanks be to all that’s holy, wasn’t an actual Widmer brother – because Rob was there), the organizer of sunday parkways, and a couple of other people. We were having an animated conversation about Sunday parkways (which I am in favor of), and I, gesticulating wildly, knocked over my beer. And spilled it on the Widmer employee. The mayor did not look impressed, and that was pretty much the end of my participation in the conversation.

Hi, my name is Amy, and I like to embarrass myself in public – particularly if there’s someone prominent there. At least it wasn’t (I’m pretty sure) captured on film.

ANYWAYS – the event was great. I got a free bike bottle, and the beers were $3, and then I had some schnitzel!

One of those days

Sep 2nd, 2009
by gazelle.
8 comments

Yesterday was one of those days. I was cranky. I deliberately skipped my morning run in favor of an afternoon run – something about the Terwilliger hills perks me up. Probably because I am crazy.

BUT – wait! Backtrack. Monday night, I headed up to Vancouver (WA, not BC – that would’ve been a looong Monday night) to do a little hanging out with bride-to-be Emily.  I finally got to see the new digs (and annoyed the crap out of the architect when I got home whining enthusing about her built-ins and our lack there-of) and enjoyed the beautiful grounds (makes it sound very lady-of-the-manor-like, right?). A good time was had by all (or at least by me, I guess I can’t speak for her).

I headed h0me like a good girl, so I could get my 8 hours before my super early run. When I got home, of course I had to talk to the architect for a long time, ’cause we hadn’t really talked for like 24 HOURS! And that’s when I decided I’d do a post-work instead of pre-work run. I took some Advil PM and was out like a light! For 8 hours! I didn’t wake up once! That is completely unprecedented. I’m thinking of starting a new Advil PM addiction. Thoughts?

Anyways….Tuesday. I wanted to get to work before 8:30 (technically my start hours are between 8:30 & 9). I rolled in at 8:35 – so not late! Just later than I wanted. Stupid early train which caused me to miss my bus connection! Totally ruined the night before’s commute where I got home in under an hour! It was magical!

At work, it was just one thing after another. I was getting more & more stressed. And I knew a run would help. I just knew it!

So – guess what I did? If you guessed went home & had a mojito, then you’re right! Gold star!

I was in bed at 9:30, asleep by 10, because I needed to get that run in!

And I did. I got up & was out the door by 5:40. It was my first dark morning run pretty much ever. It was so nice to run along the bluff & see the sky lightening in the east, just sad that I missed the actual sunrise – I turned around to run home right before.

It was a nice 6 miler – although I’m always so very slow that early in the morning. It takes me about three miles to warm up.

Mile 1: 11.27
Mile 2: 11:10
Mile 3: 10:41
Mile 4: 9:59
Mile 5: 9:59
Mile 6: 10:40

I’ve decided to pretend that this was some kind of 4 mile tempo run – in my revised marathon plan, my easy miles are supposed to be about 10:30-10:45 & tempo miles between 9:45 & 10, so the last four miles totally count. The first two are my pre-warmup miles, I guess! :)

Anyways – great run more or less, although the first 1 mile, I was debating how few miles I could get away with, but after I warmed up, I was just sad that I didn’t have more time!

After a quick shower & 1/2 of a banana (first half consumed pre-run), I hopped on my bike for my first ride of the Portland September Bike to Work Challenge.  Go team! I am going to try to bike to work a minimum of twice, possibly three times each week. Now that I now it’s possible to do a pre-work run and then bike in (and although I felt like I was dragging, I was a little faster today than last week), I think I could, conceivably, ride in every work day for the rest of the month – 15 more days. We’ll see how that goes!

Today is much better. Not sure if it’s because of all the early exercise endorphins, the half-caf that wasn’t, or just that week is nearly over, and a 4-day weekend awaits, but I’m not complaining! Now I just need to get to the pool!

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