Tag Archives: food

Family Friday

Tonight, my baby (I AM NOT A BABY) comes home for five nights in a row. That’s never enough – I hate that Wednesday morning I’ll drop him off at kindergarten and won’t see him again until the following Monday after school – but I love my long stretches with my boy. In a month, we’re switching the schedule to eliminate the mid-week transition and I’ll get him for week-long stretches at a time (of course, this also means he’ll be gone for week-long stretches at a time, which is a major bummer…sigh). I would give almost anything to have him more. The sticky, cotton-candy kisses I got last night at back-to-school night are everything.


My other local family, the beer guy, is on his way to Belgium, which is his very favorite country, right now. He told me he’s eventually coming back, although for some reason, I had the return date wrong in my head (and on my calendar), and even though he kept correcting me, I still couldn’t remember the right date. I think I finally have it now, which means I’ll show up to the airport on the right day to pick him up and not leave him stranded for 24 hours. One of my favorite things to do when he’s traveling is to sky-stalk him with the Flight Aware app. He’s currently (as of this very second) flying over the flyover state of Nebraska. (Sorry, Nebraskans – but I’m from the flyover state of South Dakota…it’s just how it goes.)

One of my biggest challenges when I’m sans beer guy is to remember to eat and sleep. Yes, I know that sounds dumb, but it’s my biggest challenge. So I’m putting it out here that I will eat and sleep on the regular for the next few weeks. That means no skipping meals, no having “fruit salad” for dinner, and going to bed and to sleep at a decent hour every night.

This will NOT be me. Most of the time.

Fortunately, I have a lot to keep me busy. I’m wrapping up an editing project this weekend, just in time to get The Ruby Blade back from my editor to do revisions. I have a Raj chapter to write, I’m deep in Eleanor book 4, and I’ve started outline books 1-3 of my new series. Plus, all that kid time with the world’s best kid and future leader of a unicorn cult.

GAH! That bump!



Pyramid Schemes

So I went to my nutritionist appointment on Monday. Because I am a boy scout (in that I am always prepared; I was never actually a boy scout) I came with a detailed spreadsheet of my caloric intake over the past week.

I think the first thing I said was, “I know what I’m doing wrong.”

The nutritionist (who is currently vying with my new gynecologist as medical professional I most want to marry) said, “Of course you do. Most people do.” And then gave me a handout on something called “what the hell” syndrome. That is not a real syndrome, but it is the thing that happens when you do something you didn’t mean to (like skip your morning workout or eat a pie) and then decide that your “diet” is blown for the rest of the day/week/whatever so you just forget about goals and eat another pie.

I struggle very much with all or nothing mentality, so that is a huge problem with me.

The other awesome thing that my new nutritionist said was when we started talking about ideal weight. I said that I felt most comfortable at about 25 lbs less than I am now, but that I was pretty sure I should shoot for a 40 lb loss to be in the right range. She said that what we wanted was for me to get to where I wanted to be (as long as it was healthy, blah, blah, blah) and not an arbitrary number on a chart. She also said that after meeting me, she thought it would take some pretty unhealthy behaviors to get me down 40 lbs.

So, I have an eating plan. It has a lot of vegetables on it. It’s not that I dislike vegetables, it’s just that I like cheese better. (Speaking of cheese, we talked about calcium intake, and I said I didn’t drink milk or eat yogurt. She said I wasn’t getting enough calcium. I mentioned that I eat cheese. Apparently cheese doesn’t count as ‘dairy.’ Nutritionist lady said I’d have to eat a lotof cheese to get the calcium I needed. I said I was up for the challenge, and she laughed. I was totally serious.)

Anyway – in addition to the plan that is not an all-the-cheese-you-can-eat plan, I have flashcards to remind me to be nice to me. One of them says, “would you say that to someone you cared about? Then why say it to yourself.” To be honest, I wouldn’t say most of the things I say to myself to people I disliked. (There are a couple people out there to whom I would like to say some…things…but mostly I’m a “if you can’t say something nice…” kind of person.

I think that what I really needed was for someone to help me get into the right head space. I need to be positive about myself and find some balance. Those things are way more important than arbitrary numbers on a chart. After all, I have a tiny person keeping tabs on what I’m doing and saying and I’d like to be a positive role model.

Anyhoosits! That’s about it for that. I’ll keep you updated. BUT – come back tomorrow for pics on the Bean (which is what I think 92% of my readership is interested in).

WIP it Good

I think I’m going to get a tattoo on my left hand that says, “What do you really want?” & one on my right that says, “Are you sure the answer is ‘a cookie’?” (And maybe one on my forehead to announce to the world that I’m a Work in Progress.)

When I remember to ask myself that question, things turn out pretty well. When I forget, it’s not so good. Also – it doesn’t take much to derail my entire day. Last night, I stayed up too late to finish Marya Hornbacher’s “Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia.” And then I was sad. I don’t particularly want to be sad after midnight. I don’t sleep well when I’m sad, and after midnight, I definitely prefer to be asleep.

It was really interesting as my eating patterns can be – at times – borderline disordered. (Just ask the architect – wait, on second thought don’t – I don’t want to know what he’d have to say.) Stress really pushes me in that direction. And what causes stress for me? Divergence from my preferred patterns.

You might say I’m rigid, but I prefer structured. I go to bed at 9:30. Lights out by 10. Alarm goes off just after 5. Shower and coffee. Then up to the home office to write for an hour. Morning hugs and kisses with the Bean as he gets up and dressed and has a morning snack (skerel & grips are the current faves, along with some muk*). The architect and I pack his snacks and lunch, I make my kale smoothie and a lunch, and get ready to go.

Then work – usually meetings – and a 90 minutes window carved out every day. That window is for one of four things (sometimes two in combination): running, swimming, walking, or lunching.

Then more meetings and wicked productivity.

So – what happens when I’m up after midnight, full of sads?

I do not get up at 5 (I really don’t function well on less than 6 hours of sleep, and 7+ is ideal). I do not write. The morning is rushed. I got my smoothie, but didn’t have time to make myself lunch. My morning rushed by. I skipped my run (too tired) and skipped lunch (too busy trying to focus on work).

By two, I was cranky and stressed and headachy. Definitely not focused on work.

So, I went to the cafeteria. And surprisingly made poor food choices.

My relationship with food is not always healthy, and I definitely react to stress by either skipping meals altogether or eating all the food that appears in front of me.

I know how to avoid this. Early to bed, early to rise, etc. Recognize what I really want. Make decisions based on said wants.

What I really wanted to do was have a nice run and a small meal (salad & soup is my usual cafeteria go-to). That makes my afternoons powerhouses of productivity.

So – until I can rewire my internal reactions to stress and routine disruption, I guess I’ll just have to get those tattoos.

Probably in Comic Sans. Or Papyrus. Maybe one in each.


Or maybe just a sign.

And – if the answer to the second question is “Yes,” the by the gods, I’ll have that cookie. But if – like today – the answer really was no…well, then, I can skip it.

Everyone is a work in progress (WIP), and it’s good for me to remember that I’m not the only one who doesn’t have it all figured out yet.


*toddler translation key: cereal, grapes, and milk

Scaling Back

So – As you may have guessed, I’ve been stressing about the scale. It doesn’t tell me what I want to hear (see?).

In addition to that stress, I may have mentioned that I am on a LOT of drugs. Seriously. Lots. One of the (many) interesting side effects is that I have a really hard time gauging satiety levels. I can’t really tell when I’m hungry and when I’m full. So, I’m pretty sure I’m overeating. The answer to that is, of course, to eat less. However, portion control was a problem for me even when I could feel that I was overeating. Now that I can’t even tell, I think it’s getting worse.

I eat pretty clean. I rarely have processed foods. I make good choices. Just too many of them. I know that weight loss is like 110% diet and 5% exercise (or something), and I’ve felt like I was failing in that regard.

And then, this morning, as I moseyed on over to my Google Reader, I saw this blog post title: “Why You Shouldn’t Make Weight Loss Your Primary Goal.” The ever inspiring MizFit had a guest blogger today talking about how the real goal should be to “get healthy.” Once you are healthy, everything else will follow.

My son, the amazing Alvie Bean, is starting to watch the architect & I more and more and is starting to ape our behavior. He deserves parents who make healthy choices, don’t obsess about arbitrary numbers, and know that exercise is just another word for fun.

Get this kid a blog already!

Get this kid a blog already!

My big challenge is going to be the eating, though. I am going to have to figure out a real caloric goal, since I can’t gauge on satiety, and then measure out all my portions. (Right? That’s going to be the best way, isn’t it?)

BUT – I think if I can get into that habit (which I used to do back when I was on WW 11 years ago when I first lost weight), everything else will fall into place. I love moving, pushing my body hard, exploring new physical limits – so as long as I ramp up slowly, that will be the easy (and fun) part. (Totally typoed part as party, which yes. Yes it is.)

And a healthy mama = a happy mama = a great role model for this guy.

2013-02-15 10.00.04

Modeling Good Habits

I worry about setting a good example for my son, especially now that he’s eating solid foods.

My food intake is pretty good, I think, but I need to be more mindful of my eating. I want to work on that a LOT over the next few months, because I want Alvie to have a good example. I need to do three things:

  1. Slooooooooooow Down. It is not a race.
  2. Assess hunger & satiety levels frequently
  3. Stop when full.

I am actually pretty good at #2. I usually recognize when I have eaten enough food. My problems are really #1 & #3. I know I’m full, but I just keep going. I like food. Weird.

I think I will be done breast feeding soon. Not necessarily because I want to be done, but there are times when you have no choice. There are a lot of thing that affect supply, and I am hitting the motherlode when it comes to finding all of those things.

I have lost all but 12 of the pounds that I gained during pregnancy, and I’m currently at a plateau for loss. I think if I can start modeling those good habits, plus make sure that my diet is mostly fruit and veggies (I should just start eating the same things my son eats, only a wee bit more).

I recently had my body mass and BMR tested. My base metabolic rate is 1555. Just to live, my body burns 1555 calories. That does not account for breastfeeding, which burns about 300 additional calories (although probably not at the small levels that I’m doing now). So, if I make it my goal to have between 1500-1800 calories per day once I’m done breast feeding, I think that I can start to lose the remaining weight. In addition to losing the rest of the pregnancy weight, I would like to lose an additional 20ish lbs. I want to be my lean, mean running machine self again.

When I think about what really turned the corner for me 10 years ago in mood uplift + weight loss, I know it was exercise. I started a consistent workout program for the first time in, well, ever. I also met the architect. He made me happy. Happy made me want to be a better person. That led to exercise and weight loss.

Right now, I am not happy (although I am working on that, aggressively), but I know I can be again. That I will be again. And being happy is the #1 thing I want to model to my son is happiness. And for me, part of happiness is feeling strong and fit and healthy. And part of being healthy is good eating habits, so it comes full circle.