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Sartorially Challenged

Mar 3rd, 2011
by gazelle.
5 comments

Do you ever get to work & then catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and think, “Oh, honey, no!”

Yeah…I’d really like to say that’s never happened to me. Or at least be able to blame it on oversleeping & running late & just grabbing the first things in my closet.

But the truth is, I usually pick out my clothes the night before so I don’t wake the architect in the morning by opening & closing drawers. So I picked out Tuesday’s outfit when wide awake & with plenty of time to think about what it was going to look like.

I gave my fourth speech at Toastmasters on Tuesday, so I wanted to look fancy. Or at least professional.  (You guys! I had a drawing on the white board for my speech! And it was so awesome. Unfortunately, I forgot to take a picture of it, but fortunately for you, I have recreated it in Photoshop. I am a GIVER!!!!)

I added the labels for you, just in case, for SOME REASON, you couldn't decipher the various components.

This is awesome, right?  You are jealous of my mad drawing skillz.  (This is, by the way, an illustration of a rain garden.)

 

ANYWAYS – so, I got to work, all ready to speechify (and do work) and then, I saw myself.

 

Red shoes (as long as I’m being honest, I’ll tell you that they were clogs).

Grey tights with an argyle pattern up the outsides of my legs.

Black & white tweed skirt; knee-lengthy with a little flare.

Purple sweater.

It was a LOT of look.

I love shoes (I know, right? SHOCKING!), but find it hard to actually put together professional looking outfits on my own.  I need a stylist. And a larger shopping budget. Perhaps both.

I think what I really need is either a) a place where I can wear jeans to work every day or b) a place with a uniform. Like a convent or something, but without the religion & celibacy. And without the poverty. And probably without the obedience. I’m not good at that.

Does anyone else have this problem? Is it just me? Has anyone ever noticed that I need a “What Not to Wear” intervention?

 

 

The Brave Little Toaster

Dec 22nd, 2010
by gazelle.
6 comments

I’m fairly certain I’ve mentioned my absolute dread of public speaking. I often get nauseated, sweaty, and light-headed. I hate it. HATE IT!  (I have done more karaoke in my life than should be legal, but anyone can sing badly in front of strangers when there’s enough gin.)

So. As you know, I joined toastmasters in June to work on this. I gave my first planned speech in August. I was so nervous! I had nightmares the night before about people booing me & throwing rotten tomatoes (it was kind of like that scene from the Princess Bride). The speech went well. I am funny, y’all (thanks for the spelling help Melissa!). AND, I didn’t even need any liquid courage (unlike with karaoke).

ANYWAYS. I kept at it. I did the impromptu Table Topics speeches. I filled a number of roles at meetings. And then, yesterday, I did speech #2. And I wasn’t (that) nervous. I had an outline that I’d been thinking about for a few weeks, and then I wrote up the text of the speech a couple of days before. I practiced a few dozen times (made the architect listen to me more than he wanted to, I suspect). And you know what?

It went well. (Again, I am amusing.)

And even more?

I liked it. I like telling stories (big shock, right?). This is so much better than high school speech class, which, after all, sucks (am I right?).

I am looking forward to my third speech. Now – I will fully admit that part of this is the desire to finish all ten speeches and get a certificate (I am very gold-star oriented) that says I am a competent communicator. But part of it that I actually enjoy entertaining people.

I know this is weird, but I am proud of me. A year ago, I would’ve said that public speaking was right up there in my top five fears (along with flying and being eaten by mutant garden spiders). I faced that fear. And I conquered it. And now, I’m going to gather my ragtag band of old appliances & go to the city! Or, perhaps schedule speech #3 and start thinking about entering a Toast contest. Whichever seems to make more sense at the time.

Fear, Itself

Aug 16th, 2010
by gazelle.
2 comments

Tomorrow is my first toastmaster speech.

I have been preparing for it by pretending it won’t happen.

This may not have been the wisest preparation tactic.

If you don’t hear from me sometime tomorrow afternoon, it’s safe to assume that I somehow died of that strange combination of fear and humiliation.

4.4

Toasted

Jun 16th, 2010
by gazelle.
7 comments

I believe I mentioned that one of my brave May acts was to join the Toastmaster group that meets where I work. The Ambitious One was already a member, and although she wouldn’t allow me to come to meeting until after she’d given her first speech, she has encouraged me to attend.

But now, it’s official. Yesterday I gave them money. I am an official Toaster.

***flashback***

About ten years ago, I lived in LA. As you know. And I had a friend (just the one) that I hung out with ALL THE TIME. A lot. I’m pretty sure his neighbors thought we were an item, because I was always there. (We weren’t an item.) We had much fun together, but there were a few…quirks…that I liked to mock.

For starters, he was 10 years older than me. (Right? He was in his 30′s! That is SO OLD!) And had these weird ideas. And one of those weird ideas was that he should join Toastmasters so he could improve his public speaking skills. I’m pretty sure I mocked him every time he toasted. (We also referred to is as Toast – no master – because I also hate burned bread.)

So, here we are. Ten years later. And now, I feel like I should improve my public speaking skills. So I will be toasting twice a month.

***end flashback***

So, you may be asking (if, indeed, you are still reading), why are you talking about this.

The reason, gentle readers, is that I’m absolutely, nauseatingly terrified of Toast (the organization, not the bread product – the bread product makes me feel mildly nauseated, but not afraid). Yesterday, as I walked to the meeting, membership application and check in hand, I wanted to turn, run away and hide.

And when the Ambitious One said (jokingly, I hope) that she was going to volunteer me to stand up and talk for one-two minutes, I almost passed out with fear. And then I threatened to vomit on her (also jokingly?).

My fear, it paralyzes me. I am in this club to get over the fear, but am afraid that the fear may prevent that. (It’s like when I was prescribed anti-anxiety meds to help with my flying anxiety, but the thought of taking them & getting one of the 11 million side effects caused a panic attack.) (It is possible I need help.)

So – any tips on how to get over the nerves? This is speaking in front of a small, supportive group. Not angry sharks who are both hungry and hate listening to speeches. I think that taking a valium at noon on a Tuesday might not work out as a solution. (I already went over the pros & cons of that one in my head.)

I want to be a successful toaster. and a person who doesn’t feel like vomiting when asked to speak. I feel that will be handy for my career.

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