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weight loss

Monday blahs

Dec 8th, 2008
by gazelle.
22 comments

There is too much sugar in my house. I made cookies yesterday. And I’m finishing up today. And they are good. My one biggest weakness is chocolate chip cookies. I made about 4 dozen of those yesterday. Most of them are going to go out to good homes, but there are a few who will not survive long enough to be adopted. Those are already in my tummy.

HOWEVER, I did lose 2 lbs this week – must be the cookies & martinis, right? Although, to be honest, I think it may be the giant decrease in the amount of carbs. Not sure.

Well, back to the grind! I have about 3 more hours in which to accomplish stuff, so I should probably get moving so I can get dinner prepped & the rest of the cookies baked before needing to go to yoga.  And by needing to go, I mean I go because I like it, just wish it wasn’t a) so far away and b) so close to my PT place, which means on Mondays I drive to the other side of town twice….ah, well – only 3 more weeks of PT and 5 more yogas (that’s all I pre-paid, and once they’re gone, I’ll have to figure out a different way to get my yoga fix.

So – A Plan…

Nov 18th, 2008
by gazelle.
17 comments

After realizing that my flu caused a 2.6 lb weight-gain, which means a 5-lb gain in the last 3 weeks, which means a 10 lb gain in the last 3 months, I decided that enough was enough.

And then I ate a bag of almonds. A small bag, but a bag none-the-less.

And then, I did not castigate myself, but gently reminded myself that I love me, and want to fit into my pants and be healthy. 

And then I ate a miniature Milky Way.

I’m not sure what’s gotten into me – apparently body is a teenager and is determined to do the exact opposite of what (older & wiser) brain says. (Fortunately, now that I’ve had this experience, it is no longer necessary to have a child just like me – I can play both the parent & child roles.)

The first part of my plan is easy.

Mondays: yoga
Tuesdays: track workouts (hills or speed with some core stuff thrown in)
Wednesdays: Shred (yes, I am spreading my 30 day Shred over several months)
Thursdays: xtrain & weights (7 AM at the gym)
Friday: easy run (currently 3 miles)
Saturday: whatever I feel like! (yoga, elliptical, shred & bike are just many options)
Sunday: long run (i.e. 4+ miles for now)

For this week, I may not run tonight – I am still feeling a bit…iffy.

The exercise part is easy. It’s the other that I’m not sure about. I know I can do this. I’ve lost a lot of weight. I don’t remember ever starving. The only difference is now I’m pretty dedicated to eating real food – no low-fat or fat-free cheeses; no Snackwells; no weightwatchers HFCS products with partially hydrogenated oils.

It really is going to be about changing my mind set. About eating intuitively. And that, for some reason, is not something I do well.

It’s funny, isn’t it? I think most children have this innate ability – especially in wealthier countries where starvation is less of an issue. When does it go away? Is it when we are told that the only way to get the reward (dessert) is to finish all the food on our plates? Is it when we are scolded for not cleaning our plates, because there are starving children somewhere (as if nutrition can be transmitted from child a’s tummy to child b’s tummy).

I do not have children (immature body aside), so it’s hard for me to predict what I would do to get my kid to eat if they didn’t want to. Would I withhold treats until they cleaned their plates? I don’t know (also, have no idea if my parents did that to me – they probably did, though – they were mean).

I think that many of us are so discouraged from ‘wasting’ food, that we start to lose our ability to guage when we’re hungry (meals are at 7, 12 & 6) and when we’re full (plate is empty).

When we enter our pre-teen & teen years and people start judging us based on our looks, then it’s all shot to hell. And I don’t just mean that our peers are judging us – I mean everyone.

You know this photo:

Hottie Amy - 1993 Crop

I was about 16 when this was taken (I believe right towards the last day of school when I was a Sophomore). It was also around this time that my pediatrician (who honestly, probably shouldn’t be allowed to talk to any patient over the age of 10, but that’s a post for another day) told me I needed to lose 10 pounds.

It’s all kinda crazy, isn’t it? I remember always kinda thinking I was chubby, although I’m not quite sure why. I think I had a bit more baby fat on me than I wanted. And I was short. And by the time I was 13, I was pretty stacked, too. The boys called me names.  Names that evoked “short & fat”. Names that I shared with a certain green wise Jedi who was not known for either height or slenderness (although he wasn’t fat, either). 

So – here I am 15 years after that photo and still not happy with my body (and for the record, right now, it’s not happy either – too many almonds, I think). And no idea how to make us happy with each other.

I’m going to continue to work on it. I know that I cannot lose & maintain weight loss with diet programs (and I don’t care what WW says, they are still a DIET and not a lifestyle in my book). I know that I cannot afford to go buy a larger wardrobe when I just got rid of all my size 8s & most of my size 6s. I know that, like I said last week, I have the tools I need. I think maybe I just need to keep using them. Every day. And eventually, it will become 2nd nature.

It’s no good saying “oh I failed, might as well quit.” There is no quitting in eating. Since I’m going to have to eat again in a few hours, I might as well do my best to make it good, right? 

Today, I ate:

Breakfast: oatmeal with applesauce & 1 TB peanut butter
Lunch: Lentil stew & 2 (v. small) pieces homemade naan
Dinner: Roast chicken, steamed broccoli, brown rice (rice & chicken are cooking away RIGHT NOW – I love my crockpot).
Snack: Almonds, apparently. And a mini Milky Way.

There is a possibility that I will be meeting a friend for a drink after work. In which case, I will also have a beer. (Mmmmmm…..Vinter Varmer.)

I have my menu drawn up for the rest of the week. Leftovers for lunch each day (yesterday I had leftover African Peanut Soup [I added cooked shredded chicken,  did not add sour cream - only because I didn't have any].

Veggie chili tomorrow night (Have I mentioned my deep & abiding love affair with my crockpots?), and then I will use the leftover chicken to make chicken tacos Thursday night. (I made & canned salsa a couple of weekends ago, and it is DELICIOUS.)

So – I have the meal plan. It is all sensible, with lots of low-fat proteins & high-fiber foods, and many, many veggies. (Also a minimum of gluten, as I am suddenly suspicious of my post-naan bloat. Dammit.)

I think that I will be okay. At least until Thanksgiving.

Do you plan your meals in advance? Why or why not?

Heya….

Nov 11th, 2008
by gazelle.
21 comments

So – after posting yesterday, I left the house, and then agonized for hours about it. I had just posted a pretty awful photo of myself, and then lots more photos of me, and I was worried that y’all would think I was fishing for compliments or something. Which I wasn’t. 

I haven’t lost as much weight as some people (instead of losing 1/2 of my weight, I only lost about 1/3), but you know, it was a pretty impressive change for me, and I really shouldn’t feel badly about talking about it. How weird are we? I felt bad when I was overweight, and now that I’ve lost weight, I feel bad about talking about it? We are such a weight-conscious society – but so few positive dialogues are started about weight.

I’ve been castigated for being overweight AND for wanting to lose weight.

I’ve been told that I wasn’t trying hard enough to lose AND that I was trying too hard, and that if my body wanted to be thin, I just would be thin.

I’ve been scolded for running – hard on the knees AND told by a trainer that I wasn’t running enough.

 

With all these conflicting messages out there – “thin is healthy!” “love your fat!” “heavier people are healthier” “you can’t be too thin” is it any wonder that there is such a prevalence of body dysmorphia? 

In my mind, I look almost exactly the same now as I did two years ago as I did six years ago. This is what I look like in my head (although less dressed up):

That is about 20 lbs heavier than I am now, and 40 lbs lighter than I was at my highest weight. But that is what I have looked like for the past 10 years or so, at least in my mind’s eye. (When I was 19 & 20, I pretty much believed that I looked like my 16 year old self, but without the velvet choker.)

I don’t think I’ve ever had a terrible body image, although I do like myself a lot more now than I did six years ago – I’m sure some of that has to do with my weight loss, but some of it might be the presence of the architect (who, by the way, I met about 3 weeks after that BEFORE photo I posted yesterday – and he still liked me).

I don’t know….I think that we owe it to ourselves and our friends and your children & grandchildren to be honest about the connection between weight issues (over or under-weight), physical health issues (there are some really unhealthy skinny people and some pretty healthy overweight people), and mental health issues (running keeps me sane in the winter – and I wish I’d had something like that growing up). There is a balance, and each person balances a little differently. The key is to know oneself, right? If you don’t know who you are & what you value, you’ll never achieve the body/spirit health that I think is key to a long & happy life.

Before & After

Nov 10th, 2008
by gazelle.
37 comments

I’ve been saying for awhile that I’d post before & after pics of my weightloss – but I haven’t truly felt like an after. It’s only just today, as I texted HTC to tell her I wasn’t coming to WW that I realized that although I haven’t reached my eventual goal weight, I am an after.

I have all the tools that I need to get to where I need to be.  As I was eating lunch today, I concentrated on eating slowly & paying attention to how I felt.

I ate a few bites past my “full” place (couscous salad & potato dill soup – yum), but I didn’t clean my plate. I need to work on paying attention to what I want to eat, when I want to eat it, and how I feel. I can do this – and I can do it better than trying to figure out how many points I have left for my glass of wine and slice of cheese.

So – I am totally an after. I know myself, and although we don’t don’t always get along perfectly, I know enough about me to make it work most of the time.

I know that I’m a lot more sensitive to being over-full than I used to be. A few years ago, when I looked like this:

(I included a normal-sized woman for comparison – I have no idea who she is, but was on the camping trip I was on when this picture was snapped. I edited out all the people whose names I actually know, but don’t care about the privacy of the stranger, apparently.)

I could eat an entire pizza in one sitting – and at least once a month, I did so. It was usually on a Friday night – and I deserved it for surviving a hard week.

Last Tuesday, the architect picked up a pizza, and I ate half of it (i.e. WAAAY more than I usually eat, which is 1/4 of a pizza – or 2 slices). And you know what? I felt like CRAP after – even the joy of Obama’s landslide election couldn’t dull the pain of a too-full belly (also, the pizza totally interfered with my wine drinking, leading to an embarrassingly low alcohol consumption for an election night – remind me sometime to tell you the “running out of wine” story from 2004).

Of course, now I look like this:

(Aren’t we the cutest?)

Confession – I just wanted to publish that photo – it’s not a very good representation of how much weight I’ve lost – for that, this might be a BIT better – I don’t really have many recent full-length photos of me where I’m not wearing tons of clothing (also – please to ignore the socks with Tevas [mortal sin] and the “I’ve been camping for 3 days hair”):

Of course, I do want to lose another 15-20 lbs. I’d like to be at a healthy BMI. There is a history of diabetes in my family, and I know that being at a healthy weight will be instrumental in preventing it. But more than preventing diabetes, I just want to be strong enough to keep doing what I enjoy doing well into my old age. IN addition to having a family history of diabetes, I also have a family history of longevity, and I’d rather be the one who still lives (mostly) on my own at 93, than the one in a nursing home before age 90 needing help to go to the bathroom. I could, conceivably, be only 1/3 of the way into my life, and if I want this body to work in another 60 years (I have a great uncle who’s 96 – and although definitely getting a little frail – he keeps trying help other people & breaking his hip – he’s in pretty damn good shape for an almost centenarian), I need to take good care of it now.

And that means? In addition to my running, I need to concentrate on strength training. My quads are ridiculously weak, and I finally have had someone (my PT) confirm that I am just not well balanced (physically).

So – in addition to the week’s workout goals I listed on Friday, I would like to add this:

I will do my damn PT exercises every freaking day. I will do squats. I will do lunges. I will hopscotch in place in front of a mirror. I will do bridge lifts on my ball. I will use the stupid stretchy band thing. And for good measure – I will do a minimum of 10 (military-style) push-ups every day (I say 10, ’cause that’ the maximum I can do right now in a row without using my knees).

Because, even though I know I’ll never look like this again (16 years does interesting things to body shape that it’s next to impossible to erase), I’d like to look as good as I can while still being as healthy as I want to be (without giving up full-fat cheese):

(*sigh* wish I’d known how attractive I was when this was taken. I kinda figured I was pretty lucky if guys asked me out. Kinda explains that late high school/early college romance mistake. Also, check out how serious I am about my hotness. And god, I miss bodysuits.)

AND, since my ploy to quit the gym today didn’t work (they offered me a $10/month reduction in fees, which I took), I need to be hitting the gym at least once a week. Crazy weights this week – here I come!

Awesome weekend

Nov 9th, 2008
by gazelle.
12 comments

The best part about my new job – other than the part where I quite love it – is that I only work Tuesday-Friday. that means that today – Sunday – I am only mid-way through my weekend. I love that.

Yesterday I got all brave and made my own laundry detergent. All the ingredients cost about $10, and I’ll be able to make at least 4 batches, each of which should last me 2-3 months. Also, I know what’s in my detergent (water, soap, washing soda, a bit of borax, lavender essential oil – sorry architect). And, it’s WAAAY cheaper than buying my Method laundry soap ($10/year is what I’m guessing).

ETA: I was remiss & didn’t originally link to my laundry detergent source. Here it is – with color photos, ingredients, directions & everything.

Today, I took about 60 of the 80 tomatoes we had lying about (or, in other words, all the ripe ones), bought some peppers & onion, and am making salsa. I’m hoping to can about 6 pints (because that’s how many empty pint jars I have, and I forgot to buy more).

I also went for a run this morning. I met up with the Ambitious One & Junk Miles. My plan was to run 5 miles. I didn’t so much – only about 3.5.  But – since I’d run 3 miles Friday, that means I ran 6.5 in 3 days, and that’s about as much weekly increase as I should be doing. I’m going to try for a total (Monday-Sunday, starting tomorrow) of 10 for this next week. (2-3 on Tuesday, 3 on Friday, 4-5 on Sunday).

I did end up getting on the elliptical last night, so that was good. I didn’t go quite as long as I’d meant to, but I did it, and that’s the important part, right?

As for WW – I don’t think I can do it. I’d forgotten just how crazy it made me – before I rejoined, when I stepped on the scale & it was higher than I wanted, I just readjusted my food intake & was back to where I’d been maintaining. Now, when I step on the scale, I get all freaked out & stressed. I lost a little last week, but I’ve gained it back, and I feel stressed.

I think that now that I’m running again, my weight will readjust to the lower range I’d been maintaining in. I’d still like to lose about 20 lbs, but I don’t think I can do it this way. WW worked for me for my first 65 lbs (and for all the people who are shocked when I mention how much weight I lost, I’ll have photographic evidence tomorrow), but it’s not going to work for me now.

I think I’m going to buy a copy of “intuitive eating” and check out another book that my health/nutrition coach recommended (can’t remember the name of it right now, but I wrote it down somewhere).

Anyways – Sorry HTC - I just can’t do it. The good news is I won’t make you trek downtown for Monday meetings anymore!

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